Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Another Episode

it happened a year and a half ago. a year and a half ago it happened at a safe place - at home. this time, it wasnt safe. hubby had his epileptic fit again. this time - while driving, while all 6 of us were in the car. it could have been 6 of us becoming none of us.

but it didnt, alhamdulillah. no one was injured, alhamdulillah. it happened near home and not on nkve - alhamdulillah. it happened when i was there and not hubby alone, alhamdulillah. i have lots of things to be thankful for. but i have lots of things in my mind. lots of things we have to think about. lots of things etched in our heads. i remember hubby screaming and looking up to the sky, his hands clenched. i remember the boys crying with fear in their eyes. i remember trying to stop hubby from biting his tongue, remember trying to stop the car, playing with the gear, pushing hubby's feet awat from the accelerator. i remember but i dont want to.

it happened in mere 30 seconds but the memory scares me to my very soul. amir remembers and he gets scared. ariff is scared of car rides. hubby was out for 10 full minutes. hubby cant remember a single thing. he only remember hearing a voice asking - do you want to stay or do you want to go back. he fought to go back.

i got the chills entering our home without hubby, without the boys, with only amir. i dont want it to be that way...not yet, we're not ready.

for now, we learn and we move on. its scary to think of what could have been, its frustrating to think of what if. its every single emotion screaming out from me but we need to be strong and move on. for now, we are car-less. i get weepy seeing pictures of our beloved car. we love that car. i wonder what it feels now. i'm sorry car...we'll get you back soon, insyaallah.

thank you, though, to those who helped and prayed for us and asked how we are. thanks to my 2 sisters, my dear daddy, the ER team (watie, andy, fidah, shareefa), to zu for just hearing me cry and cry and cry, to azrul for being syam's drip partner. thanks to all who called and sms-ed and commented on my status. i do appreciate all your smallest 'take care's to your biggest hugs.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Makeover - Ariff & Akmal's Little Town

the second room to be made over is ariff and akmal's room. we call it tiza's room cos only tiza has used it since we moved in. the bad side about having 3 bedrooms & bathrooms upstairs is that we hardly ever use the 3rd room. we use the master bedroom, obviously and of course the tv lounge and once the boys (and their parents) need their space, we started to use the 2nd room. the unused 3rd room began to show after a couple of years. the room was spooky, the bathroom eeky, dust everywhere and it didnt feel homely. it was used mainly as the boys' time out room and occasionally for the once a month ironing of 2 shirts.

deciding on the colour for the room was easy. the boys have their own colour, so being ariff & akmal's room, it would be red and yellow. finding the right shade, though, was not so easy. i didnt know which red matches which yellow, i didnt know if the red i chose would look the same on the wall as it does on the pallete, i didnt know if the yellow would make the room hot or otherwise. more stressful than the making of the 'island of sodor' room.

zu gave me the idea of doing stripes of light and dark yellow. i love the idea but after watching the painter struggling to do stripes in amir's room, i was sceptical. it would take forever and i wasnt too confident when he said it would be more difficult to do stripes on the top half than on the bottom half of the wall. rosak karang, sapa nak jawab. so we changed the plan and went with different shade of yellow on each wall. dark light, dark light and so on and so forth (macam lord farquhar pulak).

it was not easy finding the border. there was no theme other than red and yellow. i didnt want another 'character' theme after thomas. i surfed and surfed and found a border that not only matched the 2 colours but also had pictures of cars and planes (that ariff love) and sorta like a town. and when i got it, i was pleasantly surprised at its height that it really became the centre of attraction and it compensated the decision to not proceed with the stripes.

after putting up amir's clouds i realised i should have bought something similar for ariff's room. i found wall stickers of clouds, hot air balloons and planes to match the border but did not purchase it. since the border was insufficient for the room and i need to get some more, now i have the excuse to order the stickers as well.

we still need a few more things to brighten up the room. it wont be like amir and asyraf's room until a couple of years since no one will be sleeping there but we wont make the mistake of leaving it totally unused again. for now, in my list is some glow in the dark stars for the ceiling, another roll of border, wall stickers, some pictures and, insyaallah in december, new curtains and 2 single beds.

the room started off extremely bare. absolutely nothing...well, nothing after all the junk have been thrown out.

after a simple coat of paint and the 2 rolls of border.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Makeover - Amir & Asyraf's Island of Sodor

they have almost outgrown thomas and friends. almost but not fully. so while they can still 'layan', i'll present the island of sodor to them. this make over is a long time coming. we wanted amir to sleep in his room when he turned 2. but then asyraf came along (and we didnt want to make amir feel like asyraf took over his place in our room) and quickly followed by ariff and akmal, the plan never materialise.

we're finally going back to the plan we put aside. the room's been ready for ages, they play there, nap there, change their clothes there, they just dont sleep there. once the alarm and air-cond installed, the extra space for clothes sorted, storage boxes bought and wall deco flown over, we only had to buy beds for amir and asyraf (hopefully they'll arrive next week) and paint the walls. a couple more things pending but we'll sort them out as we go along...

the bare walls, bare room version...


the outcome...

Sunday, June 20, 2010


the boys got restless while waiting for their rooms which are undergoing a makeover. daddy and mummy are pulling their hairs out...

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Amir Iskandar

our abang long, also known as katak pisang and turtle (a name he gave himself). amir's almost 5 and a half (will be in 3 weeks, to be exact). he's grown so much. maybe because he has 3 younger brothers at such a young age.

sometimes amir can be one's best friend, sometimes he can be one's biggest enemy. with amir, a conversation can flow so smoothly as he clearly understands, is emphatic, quick to respond and is witty with his answers. but catch him at a bad time, it can be frustrating talking to him as he'll reply with the irritating 'tak nak kawan' and 'padan muka' and 'baru tau.

after 5 years, amir is still putting his fingers into his mouth, be it while watching tv, while sitting in the car, while waiting for something, especially when about to fall asleep.

amir's a great big brother. he's very helpful when we need things to be brought to us (the milk bottle, the diapers, akmal's towel, the remote, the phone), he's handy to have around when you cant bend down and grab something on the floor, although he takes his brotherly love a bit too far at times and carries akmal around (tak sedar akmal sebesar dia).

the irritating bit about amir is his screaming. he screams when he talks, he screams when he runs, he screams when he watches the telly. its honestly so irritating. he's also prone to start a fight, especially with asyraf. there are times when amir can be lying on the couch, doing nothing but watching tv, and he'll start mocking asyraf (who is sensitive to the max) and a fight will start, complete with face scratching, punching, kicking - if they had hair, there'll be hair pulling.

amir will start schooling at a nearby kindergarten next year. we still have not chosen which kindy we want to send him to, but he needs to be with his future primary classmates so that he wont feel awkward when he starts standard 1 in 2012. we could have sent him earlier but we didnt want him to go alone, so we waited til asyraf was old enough so that we can send both of them to a new school.

i wonder how it would be for amir to make new friends. and how he'd miss his friends now, especially haziq. haziq has been his best friend since he was 2 years old. whenever he does something at home or gets something he would say, nanti amir nak tunjuk haziq, nanti amir nak cakap haziq.

this year we'll let him try fasting during ramadhan. not sure if he fully understands the meaning yet but he seems pretty excited. it would probably be a chore to wake him up for sahur and he'll probably fall asleep in his class but he's got to start somewhere. we're hoping he can make it til lunchtime, at least. then we'll see how it goes from there.

so there's my amir iskandar. the one who thought be about motherhood, about time management, about singing until you lose your voice, about stopping milk before they turn 2, about cots and high chairs and car seats and strollers and bumbos and exersaucers (alhamdulillah all 4 stay put whenever hubby and i put them in one of those wonderful inventions).


the value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults - peter de vries

grown-ups never understand anything for themselves and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explainning things to them - antoine de saint-exupery
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