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Thursday, March 27, 2008

Time And Children

if this is not known yet - we have 3 children. yes...3 boys, aged 38 months, 16 months and 6 months. and no, we have no maid. a shock horror to some, a life to us.

i'm not saying its easy but its not rocket science either. we go through life like everyone else, we sleep, we change diapers, we go to work, we buy milk, we talk, we do laundry, we cook, we eat, we read, we watch telly, we soothe crying babies (all 3 can scream out loud at the same time!). we do all that, just like any other parents.

i've never use my children as an excuse not to do certain things and i never use my children to gain sympathy or attract praises. of course, there are things we have left behind because we have children but we do that conciously. we dont spend hours at the mall anymore (hubby and i used to do that during our 'berdating days'), we dont spend hours idlying on the bed during weekends anymore, we dont eat out as much as we used to anymore (that one is also due to less disposable income). but we leave those behind happily, conciously and with no regrets.

there are people who say - you've got three kids, you dont have a maid, its ok if you dont cook. or they say - with 3 kids and no maid, you cook - amazing. excuses and praises. we dont ask for them, we dont need them.

for us its simple...we have 3 boys, we have to take care of them. maid or no maid, work or no work, we have to do what we have to do. that includes cooking, that includes getting up in the middle of the night, that includes waking up and dragging your feet to work the next day. we dont do this better than parents of 1 child and we dont do this worst than parents with 6 children. we just...do!

and no, we're not the only ones who do this. parents everywhere do the same. they get up, go to work, come home, cook, clean, bathe their kids, lepak with them, go to sleep.

to me, although juggling to raise children and to manage a household and to work, is not an easy task, it doesnt have to be difficult as well. proper planning helps, time management helps, not expecting a lot helps tremendously.

when one gets pregnant, plan for the 9 months of pregnancy, plan for the 9 years of raising a child, plan for the 9 years after that when they reach their teenage years. when one plans a family outing and plans to take the family shopping, plan the night before. plan what to wear, what to bring, where to go, what to buy, what time to have your dinner, what time to leave, where to park. you can plan all that...plan not to face a hassle, plan not to face the crowd, plan not to have your child throw a tantrum. granted not all plans will go smooth sailing, but there's no harm in taking 2 minutes off your precious time to just sit and jot down what needs to be done.

for us, going out doesnt have to be a stressful time. i put aside the boys' clothes, i pack their bag the night before. come morning, they are ready by 8am - we are early risers and i insist that my children bathe once they get up, no excuses (drill sargeant, i am). once they are ready (extra clothes are set aside in case something happens), the parents bathe. 30 minutes, we are done. we have time for a quick bite and bottles of milk and a trip to the bathroom before we leave. by 930am we're out of the house and within half an hour, we're already in the shopping mall. go where we need to go, do what we need to do, by 1130am we'll sit down for our lunch. when the crowd starts to build up, we're already in our car heading back home. we went out...we bought what we need to buy...we go back. minus throwing up, minus tantrum, minus headache.

we do this to accomodate both worlds, to go out and to have a screaming-less session while we're out. the parents can enjoy their time and run their errands, the children can have fun as well. we can eat as a family with minimal screams and "amir, no"s. we can do all that and still arrive home feeling like the day hasnt passed by in a blink of an eye.

of course, even after reading this, i'm sure people would go...."alah, you takpe lah, anak you baik-baik semua. i ni anak satu tapi nak jaga...mak ai...susahhhh". or "you are so lucky to have such angels for children, mine is sooo difficult to handle". or "how can you come and go within 2 hours, mana cukup nak shopping?" or "tapi i cannot lah because my child hates to be strapped in"

to me, its all boleh lah...its just whether we nak or tak nak.

and a final note - no, my children are not angels. try living in our house for a day, can you handle the screaming and shouting and throwing by the children and the parents? they are not angels, but we accomodate and adapt to their styles and their time so that while we are in public, people can assume there are angelic.

14 comments:

s2m3r said...

bila baca nieH
semangat semakin membuak2 nak tambah lagik..ha ha ha

syerah+zainul said...

btul..bile dah ade anak,kena ubah la ikot kesesuaian.x boleh bat peel cam sblom ada anak,x boleh merungut itu ini.sbbnya,pandai branak,pandai la nak handle anak:P ape2 pon,kena plan.kadang2,org ckp sy over dah plan itu ini walaupun ank lom kuar.tp,lebih baik plak dari dah sampai masa,lansung keras x tau nak buat ape kan????:)asyik salahkan keadaan jerk.mana boleh gitu:)Allah dah amanahkan anak tu untuk kita,jadi mmg besar tgjwp nak besarkan anak2 tu.bukan stakat cari duit nak besarkan anak.bukan stakat nak beli baju anak2.banyak lagi benda nak kena fikir.

acik said...

suka ke...tak suka ke....tetap kena buat gak, kan?? nak merungut pun dah tak guna...hihihihihi...
bila baca ni, terus muhasabah diri...semoga kesabaranku kembali menebal...bukan senang nak senang :)

emly2175 said...

so agree with you dear.. it's all about time management! and about how we raise our kids also.. ! All these will be a factor on whether we will have headache at the end of the day!

Anonymous said...

AGREED!!.

it's because, everyone in this world got 24 HOURS A DAY!!. 24 hours for Sultan, 24 hours for Prime Minister, for teacher, for Chairman, even for a maid.

no one got more or less than that. so, stop complaining like "no, we don't have time to cook.." "what? buat list? mana ada masa".

there is no word "no time" sebenarnya if we know how to handle time. syabas puan akak salina, tapi saya tetap rasa yg anak2 awak ANGEL di mata saya. terutama si mokmok itu!!..hahaha

-mak angkat ayip-

Being Normal said...

i love this entry so much, i felt that this reall relates to me. as you know, i have 3 kids and their age gaps lebih kurang yours and no, i don't have a maid and never did. i hate to tell people that cause bunyi mcm riak kan but if i have to do it, i have to do it, there's no 2 ways about it. even now as the kids are growing up and all 3 are in primary schools, people still say, "alah, you senanglah, anak dah besar2, that's why no need maid..hello!! before they jadik besar, they used to be small and like other infants ok!! and another remark that i hate..."you senanglah, mak jaga anak" and i have always been tempted to answer, my mom starts to take care of my kids just a year ago...but then again why should i respond, i know how i manage it and that's the most imprtant thing!!
sorry yer, long comment, emo lah pulak!!

mom2Que said...

I like this entry too! :)

My boys are just about the age of your first two. But unlike you, who have the husband at home at the end of the day to help with every chores, I don't. But I'm proud to say, I manage. My kids being kids, they may not be angel all the time, but also not difficult to handle. I always put in mind that they're the best gifts from Above and it's my responsibility to raise them no matter what comes in the way. At every end of the day, the satisfaction is just undescribable.

Go mumsie! Don't take this as (another) praise, but a high five from another mommy :)

lin said...

goshh.. i really salute u lah..sangat kagom!!

Nae said...

Well said mummy! Couldn't agree more

eiseai said...

ila...project 2008 ke?

syerah...itu lah, adjust accordingly. bukan nya if we leave our old lifestyle, kita salah. we just need to evolve as our life changes. jgn asyik nak maintain lifestyle sama je kan?

acik...bukan senang, but dah kena buat, buat je lah kan? merungut tu mmg ada...esp time malam2...hehehe

emly...that's the key, manage time. if we need to go out, managing time the day before is not difficult. mmg it wont always go to plan but at least we are prepared if something happens

mak angkat ayip...besar btul agreed dia...hahaha. there's always time kan? just how kita use the time...

normal...same lah. no matter how susah we are, there will be someone yg rasa...no, we're worse off than u. nak pikir gitu, pikir lah. i dont want to compare myself lagi senang or lagi susah. to me, i have to do what i have to do...susah ke senang ke...sendiri yg tanggung

mom2que...thanks for the (non-praise) hi five

lin / nae...thanks. just a slightly serious-er entry from my usual kids stuff :)

suzi_khai said...

sally,

that's why suzi admired sgt dgn mommy of 3 heroes nih. Suzi pun nak jadi mcm Sally...

notes : ini bukan pujian atau kritikan... ini kerana sally la penyuntik semangat selain my mom.. :)

azie said...

ada org bebel lg ke kak..hehe..anyway..dah kawen..ada anak of coz xsama mcm bujang2 kan.kena adjust masa,planning,financing..to me lantaklah..apapun this is our life..n not for others to judge..:D

Nomee said...

Very good entry. Nuf said!

nOLie said...

hehe gelak jer I baca entry nieh...kids are really unpredictable...kekdang abang buat perangai adik ok..ada masa abang ok ..adik plak buat hal..yg penting..husband and wife must help each other..jangan tau buat anak jer ehhehe

...sayings

the value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults - peter de vries

grown-ups never understand anything for themselves and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explainning things to them - antoine de saint-exupery
 
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