Sunday, October 07, 2007

Decisions We Made

after amir's bout of flu and cough, asyraf was under the weather. we took him to the nearby clinic (note to being normal - it is still non-pmcare). the doctor said he's got quite a bit of phlegm, hence the throwing up sessions the night before and in the morning, so we were asked to give asyraf the nebuliser. being the blogger that i am, i wanted to take his picture while using the machine but hubby wont let me. he's also asking me to stop blogging about the boys being unwell as he's not too happy with the negative comments that i get.

quite a number of people have been saying that my kids are "always" or "constantly" unwell, there's also some who's been saying that its our decision to send them to daycare thats contributing to this factor. i would like to clarify and point out some issues relating to their health:

1. research
this was informed to hubby and i by the boys' peadiatrician. there's been research (of course he didnt go into detail who did the research and where can we find them) that says, in a developed country, a child can fall sick about 6-8 times a year. that is in a developed contry. for a developing country like ours, for a child to fall sick 8-12 times a year is completely normal. that's once a month. which means its normal for asyraf to be unwell once a month.

2. my own health
i personally think parents who blame other people for their children's health is not a responsible parent (excuse me for being too bold here). i think first and foremost we should look at ourselves before pointing fingers elsewhere. i'm not the healthiest person around. tiza would vouch my "12-4 experiences" when i would have difficulty breathing at night and would need to sleep sitting down. i have 3 inhalers that i keep in my handbag, under my pillow and in my office drawer for emergencies. i've also had to use the nebuliser at least twice during all 3 pregnancies. not just happy with being asthmatic, i also have bad sinus problems. i get flu easily and i suffer from really bad headaches (so does hubby - which is why we try to avoid walking under the sun). trueblue would know how i used to run to the canteen to get packets of tissue paper when i run out of mine before recess time. so its not a big surprise that at least one of my children would inherit my unhealthiness.

3. living arrangement
currently all 4 of us sleep in the same room, no windows open, fully air-conditioned. it is obvious that when 1 of us fall sick, the other 3 would be at risk. sleep in another room? huh...we're too attached to our bedroom and everything in it to sleep in another room. that's why i'm really pushing for the boys to get used to their room so that we can start the process of "getting our bedroom back".

i think those three are good enough explantions to show that my boys are not worst of than other children and they're actually normal boys. and if they do fall sick, its not due to the daycare, the reason is closer to home. plus its actually the mummy's fault for blogging too much about them that people think they're constantly sick.

as for this maid issue. first of all, let me just clarify that its not a "no maid at all" stand for hubby and me. we have done our research, our pros and cons comparison, our "what if"s before we decided. we initially were looking out for maids before amir was born. we didnt think we could handle a young baby while both of us were working. that was before i dropped the bombshell on hubby that i wanted to take a year off to be a full-time mom. of course, once i took that path, there was obviously no reason for us to have a maid. we had only amir at that time. i had a lot of free time on my the house was a small matter. honestly, my house was sparkling when i was not working. i had extra help with those heavy duty cleaning jobs, there was a part time cleaner who came to do the windows and ceilings and bathrooms.

let me just say that while i was at home with just amir, he was not excluded from the normal cough and flu and fever. he had diarrhea, he had eye infections, he had roseola. a child is not exluded from the flu bug just because he is taken care of at home. i have friends, colleagues, bosses whose children are admitted for one thing or another and they stay at home with maids. so who's to say that a maid can be the cure for all illnesses that a child may have.

as my 1 year sabbatical was coming to a close, i was already happy with the idea of not having a maid. my aunt offered to take care of amir while i work. after about 4 months with my aunt, my sister took over the job of babysitting amir.

once we had asyraf, we had to find another alternative. obviously my sister cant take care of both of them and i didnt want to separate amir and asyraf. so we decided on sending them to daycare. by this time, we were totally off the idea of having a maid. we were happy being just the 4 of us and the thought of opening our doors to a stranger who will be living with us was not comforting. plus we would have to either leave her alone in our house if we went out or had to bring her along wherever we went. nope...not good!

our trial and error led us to the boys' current daycare and we couldnt be happier. we love the place and the boys are very well taken care of. in fact, they are better off there than at home in terms of food (i think mommamia have the same "problem" i have with regards to this). at home, amir only munches on biscuits. he could eat bagsful of cookies and no rice at all. but in school his teacher has been saying he eats plates and plates of rice (i think her exact words were - tak padan dengan size dia). he also naps better during the day at the daycare than at home. maybe because the teachers are very strict with rules, while hubby and i just let the boys play and watch tv whenever they want.

anyway...why am i writing all this? its because hubby and i took a lot of time deciding for our boys and having people suggesting (some dont even suggest - they just assume the worst of you) we resort to other methods of childcare really did not go down well with us. we dont come to our decision in a split second, we take time and weigh all options before making a decision. now that we are a day away from welcoming our third boy, we are happy with the decisions we made and we will continue to stick to the choice we made. we know that this will not be a decision that will remain unchanged in the future (when amir starts school it will be another chapter in our life, or if i stopped working altogether we may change our decision) but for now, this is the decision that we have settled on and we are happy with it.


Marlinda said...

Eloquently put. And spot on lah...

I kept on coming to see whether the bun's out from the oven yet... :)

Take care, and can't wait to see the new addition in the family.

Syikeen Pfordten said...

I think it is good also for the kids to get sick to improve their antibody.. Ehsan n Erica selalu sakit kat msia but when we come back to Sudan ssah nak sakit. Despite I dont bring them out sangat...

Well.. ignore what people say about your family and always believe that being a parents we know what is the best for our family at the moment.

Have a safe delivery...

mock said...


mommamia said...

tensionkan dgr ckp2 org ni,as if we are bad parent and tak reti jaga anak pdhal we have our own reason y we put our kids at daycare-my hubs pun tak suka the idea of having a stranger in our house sbb nnti tak ada privacy,takpe la as long as we can handle the kids and rumah tangga and we r happy bout it,ok la tu kan-jgn asik tgk bad side,daycare has its own benefit jugak,anak2 pandai bergaul,tak takut org,more discipline,n in my case,irina umur sethn setgh dah pandai baca doa makan,i parent dia pun tak sempat nak ajar cikgu kt daycare dah ajar dah,and all the abc's and nursery song byk dia tau sbb daycare ajar-so eiseai,i thnk u made a right decision,demam flu tu sume normal la,anak my fren tak duduk nursery pun asik sakit jugak..

trueblue said...

Who could forget you and your tissues :)

mrs hafiz said...

sally, i pun x gemar idea amik maid.. ;)

btw, congrats dpt the 3rd eai :)
u take care..

aleeyazafira (pcm)

Nae said...

What about me?????????? With kids in and out of hospital. So familiar with hospital that they can even find their own way there :)

Just ignore those goody two shoes (but in my case, direct selling members)

Being Normal said...

Congrats on the 3rd hero...must be cute like the mom and dad. You take care and Selamat Hari Raya!

butterflutter said...

I pun pernah jugak dgr benda2 mcm tu. Takpe tunggu anak2 besar sikit kuranglah sakitnya. Hannah was like that before until I decided if kakak or abang batuk they cant sleep together but still in 1 room.

rafiqaheliza said...


I rasalah kan, the reason why you blog about your sons everytime they're sick is because you want to share..and nak luahkan perasaan...and also when you look at your archive in the future, you can say "Oh..I did it! I survive those phase!". Tak gitu? I mean, I blogged about those not-so-good times because of that lah...hehe..

Tak sangka pulak ada orang yang nak bagi negative comments (err...I'm not one of them kan?).
For me, I respect the decision done by any parents (kecuali negligent parents, tu susah sket nak tolerate). And I takut nak comment negative things about anak orang, coz kita pun ada anak kan...Tak kena hari ni, esok lusa mungkin kena...Tak kena anak ni, anak-anak lain mungkin kena. So why bother giving negative remarks, when you can could support and motivate friends in need?!

Err..I think I'm getting emotional here. Waiting for an update about your 3rd EAI:)

Diana@Mama Adam Mukhriz said...

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri" Maaf Zahir & Batin buat kak js sekeluarga ...Semoga lebaran yg bakal menjelang nanti akan membawa seribu kebahagiaan bersama ur new baby boy ya!!!

kombat said...

kite nye family, kitenye method. org lain tak sepatutnye sebok-sebok. pekakkan je la telinge eh :)

++bila baby ariff nak online ni :P


the value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults - peter de vries

grown-ups never understand anything for themselves and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explainning things to them - antoine de saint-exupery
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